Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I am the Knitting Police

First of all, I would like to thank all of my friends for the hugs and prayers throughout the loss of my cousin and Great-Grandpa.  Two shining lights have been extinguished, but will remain with us in our memories.

This week at work has been a mish-mash of stupidity.  Everything from domestic disturbances to thefts.  Many of these incidents could have been avoided by the use of the brain that the good Lord gave a goose.  I’m afraid that, the older I get, the less tolerance I have for stupid people.  In this post, I have decided to include a *very* short list of “things you should do to make yourself a better, and less stupid, citizen”.

1.  When you call 911, stay on the line.  Saying “______ has happened, send the police!” is just not enough information.  We need to know where (preferably with a house description), what, who, when, if weapons are involved, and how.  Seriously.  And make the numbers on your residence visible from the street, day or night.  It helps us get there faster.

2.  If you see something happen that just isn’t right, CALL US.  Don’t wait 30 minutes…or a week …to let us know what is going on, and then blame us for not knowing.  We are a finite number, and we are not issued ESP at the academy.  It may be nothing, but it may be something.  Our citizen eyes are very valuable.

3.  When we respond to a call, TELL us what has happened or what the problem is, do not SCREAM it at us.  Unless we have been on the force for 20+ years, our hearing is probably fine.  We are not dogs, we don’t hear voice pitches that go out of the stratosphere.

4.  If you are married or co-habituating, please take a minute to find out if your state is a “community property” state, and what the process is to legally evict someone from your residence.  My state happens to be a community property state.  That means that, if you are legally married, what you own-they own.  What they own-you own.  We can’t divide property.  That is the job of a sitting judge.  Additionally, in my state, if you reside in a residence for more than 24 hours, that is your home.  I can’t throw you out of it without an order signed by a judge.  If you don’t like the person you live with, learn the eviction process.  It will probably keep you out of jail. 

5.  When your are reporting a theft, please have your VIN or serial numbers at the time of the report.  We have this handy-dandy tool called NCIC (National Crime Information Center) that we can enter your stolen items into.  This GREATLY increases the chances of you getting your stuff back.  No, we can’t get those numbers on our own.  That is your job.  And, seriously, not EVERY SINGLE PERSON you see walking or driving near your house/business is a suspect.  Some, but not all.  We are not going to harass every person who looks “suspicious” to you.

6.  I am trying to get a little rule I like to call the “If it wasn’t important enough to report last week, it sure as hell isn’t important enough to report today” rule pushed through.  Don’t call me a week after the battery or the accident, and demand a report.  That is just lazy and stupid.  I’ll write the report, but I promise, I will write it so that you look just as stupid, lazy, and inbred as you really are.  I have that talent, and I can do it without making myself look bad.  Be afraid.  Be very afraid.

7.  If you are driving down the road, don’t wait until you get RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME  to do something illegal or stupid.  That will get you stopped every. single. time.  If I am running radar, don’t assume that, once you pass me, I can’t lock in your immediate increase in speed.  Our radars have a very long distance range.  Both coming and going.  If I stop you, don’t cry.  I can’t stand a whining crybaby, and that alone will get you a ticket faster than almost anything in the world.  THERE IS NO CRYING IN LAW ENFORCEMENT.

8.  If you are rude, that will guarantee you a ticket.  Your mama would be real damn proud.  Unless you are a lawyer, judge, or cop, DO NOT recite statute to me.  I have been doing this for more than a week, and there is at least a 99.9% chance that you are wrong.  They taught us statute in the academy, and I use it every day.  Not everything that you don’t like is a crime.  Really.   In my line of work, there is this book called “Criminal Code”.  It has “Statute” as well as this little thing called “Exceptions to Prosecution”.  Find it.  Read it.  Understand it.

9.  If I stop you, there is a legal reason.  It isn’t because you are male or female, black or white, rich or poor.  It’s because there is something wrong with your vehicle, or you did something illegal that I witnessed.  You are not being harassed because of _________.  Dream on.  You are not that special.  Your mama doesn’t even think so.

10.  For the love of all that is holy and sacred, C.S.I. is FICTION.  I like to live in a little world called “Reality”.  No, I can’t lift a print off of the water.  If a crime occurs, and you touch stuff, you will screw up the evidence.  If you move or clean up stuff, you will screw up the evidence.  STOP IT.  Or don’t bother to call me, you are wasting my time.  And lock all of your doors.  Do I really even need to say this?  It’s a darned good thing that “stupid” isn’t illegal.  Talk about the jails and prisons being full!!

This is just a very, VERY short list of things that citizens can do to make our jobs easier.  Common sense, people.  If you have none, find someone who does, and ask them. 

I have to admit though, stupid people=my job security.  Since there seems to be no end of stupid people in this world, I figure I will be employed until I’m too old to work any longer.

On the work front, things have been almost too quiet.  Eerily quiet.  I’m waiting for the ‘other shoe to drop’, so to speak.  I’m sure that will happen as the weather starts to warm up.

What is the old saying about ’so-and-so could stop traffic’?  Honey, I can shut down a whole interstate, and sometimes, stop vehicles with just a ‘what-the-heck-do-you-think-you’re-doing’  look. 

We had a particularly bad motor vehicle accident on the interstate that runs through my district on Saturday afternoon.  I responded to assist State Police with traffic control.  It’s so much easier to work an accident when you don’t have to worry about getting mowed down by some dement in a hurry.  From the witness accounts, a red GMC truck was traveling westbound with Mom driving, and three children inside.  The witnesses said that the GMC moved to the #2 lane to pass, and the left  tires may have run down off of the shoulder.  The driver appeared to over-correct to the right, and at 70+ mph, caused the truck to flip and roll at least twice.  The witnesses said that Mom was thrown out of the truck, but couldn’t say if the kids were or not.  It looked like the family was either going home from a vacation or moving, as the truck was full of clothing and other personal property, which was scattered all over the interstate for several hundred yards.  Fire/Rescue and 2 ambulances also responded.  Mom was not doing well at all, agonal respirations and a firm, distended abdomen.  She was quickly packaged and gone.  The kids appeared to be doing much better, one even up and walking around, but were all transported to be assessed.  State Police took the accident, I just held down the fort and kept traffic moving, got witnesses I.D.’d, and moved emergency vehicles in and out.  For the most part, the interstate traffic was patient with the wait, and allowed everyone on scene to get their jobs done as quickly as possible.  I did have a couple of people, though, who thought that it would be a really good idea to jump out of traffic, and try to drive up the median to by-pass all of the emergency vehicles.  Because, you know, they were just very important and in such a big darned hurry.  They were not happy when they got stopped, the error of their ways was explained to them in short, one-syllable words that they could understand, and ushered right back into that long line of waiting traffic.  Makes you wonder what goes through some folk’s minds, doesn’t it?  I call this phenomenon ‘job security’. 

In knitting, I’ve picked the Queen Anne’s Lace shawl back up over the past two days that I’ve been off.  I’m finished with chart 3, and am moving on to chart 4.  Depending on my estimated finished size at the end of chart 4, I’ll decide then if I’m going to go ahead and knit the ‘extension’ rounds.  I probably will.  The Queen Anne’s Lace is from MMario.  There is an MMario Yahoo group that anyone can join to take full advantage of many beautiful patterns.  I love this pattern, and will be knitting it again, for me, in a beautiful dark green Shimmer silk/merino laceweight from Knitpicks.  I got it a couple of months ago, on sale.  It seems that this particular run was dyed in the wrong color on the wrong yarn.  Lucky me. 

Thank you to everyone for the kind words, thoughts, and prayers for our family.  Please keep them coming.  On Easter Sunday morning, my youngest son’s great-grandfather died.  Great-Grandpa was such a wonderful caring man.  He was kind and loving enough to continue to consider me family, even long after the divorce.  Great-Grandpa was completely devoted to his family, and he will be so badly missed by so many people.  He will especially be missed by his ‘Peanut’, his favorite buddy.

Hey Friends,

I probably won’t blog anything else this week, as we have had a tragedy in the family.  My second cousin was killed early last week by her boyfriend.  Her body was found late last week, and the funeral is Wednesday.  This is all a bit surreal, things like this “just don’t happen in my family”.  For anyone who knows anything about my life…irony?!?

The local police have made the arrest, based on a confession, but their work is just beginning.  They have done a fabulous job, and I sent the Chief an e-mail, thanking him and his department for their hard work and dedication.

Please, send your prayers and thoughts up for the immediate family, especially Diane’s kids.  She has a son serving in Iraq.  Pray for the police, the prosecutors, and the potential jury members.  Pray for the family of the man who took Diane from us, they must be in as much pain as this family is.  Even pray for the boyfriend.  I guess someone should.  I’m not quite there yet.

Here’s the story:  http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0geu5YCoNpJYEQBL.BXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTEzYnJoODI3BHNlYwNzcgRwb3MDOQRjb2xvA2FjMgR2dGlkA0gyOTlfMTM1/SIG=124062g8b/EXP=1239150978/**http%3a//www.kake.com/home/headlines/42367507.html

Thank you all.                                                                                                                                                                                                        

Arkangelontheradio

I suppose a good place to start off would be an explanation of my ‘handle’…arkangelontheradio.

I started my law enforcement career in the same manner that many do…I was a dispatcher.  Yep, I got to tell the cops where to go and just exactly how to get there.  On a daily basis.  And I was pretty darned good at it, if I do say so myself.  In fact, there is a former Sheriff in a small Southern town who will, to this day, tell anyone within earshot that I was the best dispatcher he ever had.  He will, however, add this caveat:  “She has been known to catch a mood now and then.”  But, then again, I got the job in the first place by barging into his office one evening, letting him know just how well I could dispatch, and he really needed to hire me.  Guess we’re both right.

So, I worked the 4:00-Midnight shift, Wednesday through Sunday.  The. craziest. shift.  I didn’t just handle the dispatch responsibilities, though.  I dispatched police, seven fire districts, E.M.S., State Police, Wildlife enforcement, Forestry enforcement, did booking, warrants, receipts, prisoner feeding and meds, and direction of trusty’s.  Jack of all trades, master of none.  The absolute definition of ‘multi-tasker’.

We had this State Trooper, let’s call him ‘Super Trooper’.  A legend in his own mind, and what we affectionately refer to as a ’sh*t magnet’.  If it was going to happen, and it was messed up in any way, Super Trooper was sure to be the cause of most of it.  One night, Super Trooper made a traffic stop on some back-woods dirt road that isn’t even in my county.  In the course of this traffic stop, the driver, Thug, pulls out an unknown type of firearm, and commences to take a few pot shots at Super Trooper.  The obligatory high-speed vehicle pursuit ensued.

Somewhere in all of this mess, both Thug and Super Trooper wreck their respective vehicles.  Thug flees on foot.  Super Trooper isn’t hurt, but is stuck like Chuck out in the middle of nowhere with Thug, who may still be armed.  Guess who the only person that Super Trooper can make radio contact with is?  You guessed it, your’s truly.  Super Trooper was in a very bad radio area, but I was able to get a tag number/vehicle description, a general location, and most of the important information.  Which I immediately relayed to other officers, State Police, E.M.S., etc.  Many, many tense and harried hours were spent getting Super Trooper back-up and help, as well as dealing with computer messages, radio, and the phone.  Most of the phone calls were from ’scanner-hounds’, wanting to know what was going on.  Scanner-hounds are a story for another day.

All is well that ends well.  Super Trooper got the back-up and help he needed, everyone stayed informed, Thug was arrested, charged accordingly, and jailed.  I got several (read:  a whole damn bunch) of new gray hairs and darned near had a stroke.  As soon as Super Trooper arrived at the office to fill out the paperwork and deliver Thug, I ‘caught a mood’, and gave Super Trooper an epic tongue lashing.  I let him know, in short one-syllable words that he could understand, that I was way too young (at the time) to be as gray as I was, which was mostly his fault, and just exactly why in the heck did he feel the need to only pull this type of dangerous, brain-dead crap on my shift anyway?!?

Super Trooper explained to me that my shift was the only one that he COULD pull his dangerous crap on, because I was the only dispatcher he trusted to take care of him.  He maintained that I was his ‘Archangel’ on the radio, there to watch over him, and he knew that he could trust me to handle whatever he threw at me.  True, but still.  To his credit, Super Trooper did experience a moment of generosity, and wrote a very nice letter about my performance during the incident for the Sheriff to add to my file.  That, along with five bucks, will get you a cup of coffee.  But it was still nice.

So, there you go.

On the knitting front, I have just finished a Goddess Knits Anniversary Mystery shawl.  Finally.  However, I have decided that I’m going to pick out the grafting, and have a re-do on it.  Then I have to block it.  I hope it will turn out well.  Keep your fingers, or needles, crossed.  Photos will be posted as soon as possible. 

I also have a couple (o.k., a few) W.I.P.’s:  a Queen Anne’s Lace shawl in 100 Pure Wool ‘Bebe Rosa’ (pink) on size 7’s(?), I think I’m on round 110-something.  QAL has been on hiatus for about two weeks.  A pair of “Spring Forward” socks from Knitty.com in Premier Yarns Superwash in the ‘Obsidian’ colorway.  A ‘Short-sleeved Cardigan’ from Stefanie Japel’s “Fitted Knits” in a dark charcole gray, yarn brand is a mystery.  Pretty soon, I’ll be starting a ‘Hemlock Ring’ blanket, a la B r o o k l y n T w e e d, for my former Sgt. and his wife as this year’s Christmas gift because they are both just really wonderful people.  I can’t wait, it looks like fun.