Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I am the Knitting Police

So, I’m back now after a short hiatus.  Big things ‘been cookin’ down here.  Mama got some ’skooling’, and Boy#1 finally, FINALLY!, got ‘gradumatated’.  Hallelujah, and pass the biscuits.

First, the ’skooling’ part…my department finally decided that I should actually learn how to do Crisis Negotiations, since they decided to put me in the unit.  A year ago.  Now, mind you, I really am not a ’big-group-hug’ type of person.  I’m usually pretty intolerant of what I see as ‘weakness’, ‘attention-getting’, and ‘drama’.  But, I got to spend all last week in a great class.  Talk about an intense, emotionally and mentally draining class.  I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but…wow.  I learned a lot about Active Listening Skills, and how to empathize without condoning or agreeing.  I think I need to try this stuff on my mother. 

The upside is that I took a great class from bunch of great instructors.  I renewed some old friendships, and made more new ones.  I didn’t actually have to ‘work’ all week, but still got paid.  I got a bunch more CEU’s to put toward yet another law enforcement certificate.  General, Basic, and Intermediate are done, Advanced and Senior to go.  Maybe, one of these days, I’ll actually work for an agency that pays for earned certificates.  Dare to dream. 

In other news, I am now the proud owner of a fully ‘gradumatated’ 18 year old son.  Yea, Boy #1!  Yea, me!  Time to start the eviction paperwork.  (I kid, I kid.)  We are still cussing and discussing the whys and wherefores of college, especially how to pay for it, since Boy caught a near-fatal case of ’senior-itis’ back in November, but I’m sure we will find a solution.  Either that, or Boy will be deciding whether he wants to follow his Dad into the Army, his great-uncle into the Corps, or his great-grandfather into the Air Force.

Almost there...

Done deal! Class of 2009!!

On the knitting front…due to the class time and other goings-on, my ‘Ocean Tides’ shawl has stalled a bit, in that, I’m still working to finish the third pattern section.  It’s the ‘Print-’o-the-Wave’ pattern, and is just going a bit slow.  Still plugging along, though.  It’s nearly ready to go to a longer cable.  When it does, I’ll pin it out a bit and snap a couple of pics. 

The ‘Tomato’, sadly, has not fared as well.  I completed the body section, and started one of the sleeves.  It ‘looks’ fine, but I’m just not really happy with it.  I found that there are a few things I would change:  I’m knitting with cotton, which will grow, and though I got gauge, I think I need to go down a needle size, and work my size again.  I also need to cast on the stitches for the front of the neckline earlier.  Like 10 rows earlier.  If I were 20 years younger, and gravity wasn’t an issue…well, you know what I mean.  Due to my previous sweater-knitting experiences, I (stupidly) added one short-row across the lower back of the sweater.  My bad.  It did not look as intended.  Learn to trust people who know more than you do.   So, my hot green Tomato will go the way of the frog pond.  We’ll give it another go.

Can I just say right now that I really hate people?  Well, maybe ‘hate’ is too strong a word.  I intensely dislike people.  But not all people.  Just the stupid, hateful, self-absorbed, intolerant, exquisitely sensitive, and constantly offended people.  When I started this blog, I decided that this would not be one of those hateful, ranting blogs.  But, since nothing very exciting happened at work this week, I feel the need to unload a few burdens.  Rant/on.

I have a ‘window’ (via another website)  into a moderately popular, but somewhat insignificant, website that is floating around on the internet.  I used to be a member of this insignificant website, but no long am.  I call it “The Bad Place”.  I was shown the door from ’The Bad Place’ because I refused to fit in with the general atmosphere, since it was completely contrary to my personal beliefs and inner convictions.  Not because I did anything wrong or broke any rules, just because I refused to fit in and tow the party line.  This website, The Bad Place, touts the fact that it is ‘family friendly’, appropriate enough even for an 8-10 year old child.  Witness the following:

There are people on The Bad Place who describe, in detail, acts of theft, criminal mischief, disorderly conduct, drunkeness, promiscuity, stalking, adultery, and consistent drug abuse.  At least one person on this ‘family friendly’ website has been arrested for, and charged with, child abuse.  Now remember, these acts are applauded and encouraged by the owners and the people in The Bad Place. 

(The following names have been slightly changed to preserve some small grain of honor)                             

*V*apid*S*kank posted recently that she sees no problem with a mother seeking out a street prostitute to relieve her Down’s Syndrome son of his virginity and innocence.  She does, however, have a problem with other posters not calling this child a ‘man’ or a ‘person’.  Of course, this child is a person.  As is normal of individuals with Down’s Syndrome, he is probably an extremely loving and happy child.  But this is the point.  He is a child.  People with Down’s Syndrome generally only have the mentality of a very young child.  I have no doubt that he has the usual human urges, but I very much doubt he would be able to understand them or process them.  I shudder to imagine what a prostitute sexually assaulting this child would do to his probably already limited psyche.

*H*ooker*S*upreme takes great pleasure in castigating the children of public figures who have a child outside of wedlock, contrary to their parents’ teaching and upbringing.  She demands that abortion is a ‘responsibility’, not so much a ‘choice’ or an ‘option’ or just plain old ‘homicide’.  However, *H*ooker*S*upreme recently outed herself.  Seems our dear *H*ooker*S*upreme had a child, outside of wedlock at age 17 (does this sound oddly similar to another 17 year old?)  But, rather than take personal responsibility for her actions, *H*ooker*S*upreme dumped her child, now approximately 12 years old, on her parents so that she can party, have fun, buy expensive yarn, and knit a lot without the usual hassles of being a mother.  Just so you understand me, I do mean ‘dumped’ as in ‘like a bag of week-old trash’.  And then she demands that her fellow posters lavish her with sympathy for the “very difficult situation that she is in”.  I somehow doubt that she even bothers to pay her parents child support for doing her job for her.  Excuse me while I go throw up.

One of the most…um, ‘colorful’?…people in The Bad Place is *Z*M*oron.  This person is what is known, in the South, as ‘a real piece of work’ or a ‘complete dement’.  In the South, we all have relatives like this, but we try to keep them away from polite society.  Except on holidays.  Or at family reunions.  So far, I’ve counted at least 4 separate personalities lurking around in this pile of plasma.  *Z*M*oron’s claim to fame is to attack unsuspecting posters in The Bad Place, turn it around, and act like she was the one who was attacked.  She also assumes several different personalities on the internet, and rants and raves about these faux attacks.  After she has posted that she is sufficiently ‘injured’ by these contrived attacks, she harasses the people she originally set herself upon, and actually threatens them with ‘legal action’, courtesy of a very close family member of hers.  Over and over and over.  So far she has been Christian, Jewish, right, far left, and everything in between.  The personalities seem unable to come to a consensus.

One of the most recent debates, starring *V*apid*S*kank of course, was “How dare Christians be offended by Atheists!?!  We are the only ones who are allowed to be offended!!!!111!!”  What I got from the entire thread was “We atheists are exquisitely offended by the mere mention of a higher power anywhere, but those damn ’X'tians have a whole damn lot of nerve to be offended at the fact that I scream curse words at them when they say ‘God bless you’ if I sneeze!!!11!!”   In other words,  belief in a higher power is stupid, backwards, uneducated, lame, wrong, offensive, racist, and should be illegal.  Belief in nothing is enlightened, smart, and super-duper fabulicious.          HUH?!?

Family friendly?  Seriously?                     Rant/off.

Dear Lord, I am not perfect, but I do my best to serve You daily, and I fail, in many ways, daily.  But I do believe in Your Word and Your promises.  Please deliever thy flawed, but faithful, servant from all of this rampant stupidity.

I finally have the Queen Anne’s Lace shawl from MMario blocking.  I started a new Goddess Knits shawl,  Ocean Tide, for my ex-MIL.  I’m working on the third section now.  I was looking through some books, and suddenly, I needed a ‘Tomato’ by Wendy Bernard of Knit-n-Tonic.  I already had the cotton, so why not?  I started it on Monday, I’m in the straight body section after the waist-shaping decreases.  I think the next Tomato I make will be a little cardi.  How cute.

LeAnn, sweetie, this is just for you.  Keep the faith:

Queen Anne's Lace before blocking-what a mess!

Queen Anne's Lace blocked-minor masterpiece

Repeat after me:  In the 1800’s, very small children created intricate knitted lace to help support their families.  I am a grown intelligent woman, and I can do lace too!!!

Queen Anne’s Lace specs:  pattern by MMario (free, just sign up for the Yahoo group), 100purewool in Bebe Rosa (baby pink), 950 yards/hank, used approximately 1100-1200 yards, US size 5, 6 ,7 circular needles, blocked size approximately 58 in. across.  Made for my sister for Christmas (shh! don’t tell!).  Very easy pattern, good choice for a first-time circular shawl lace knitter.

This weekend at work provided a tongue-lashing and some much-needed humor.  I’ve said it before, I will say it again…these are the people who provide me with job security.

I got to assist one of my guys first thing this morning.  First thing as in 0540 hours first thing.  Adam got a DWI this morning.  My main job, once I got on shift, was to sit with the car and wait for the wrecker.  Not especially difficult.  Not even in the pouring rain that we’ve had for the past two weeks.  Oh, and a quick inventory search of the driver’s side of the car, once it gets pulled out of the ditch.  No problem.  Wrecker gets there.  I tell the driver I need to search when he gets the car out.  Driver hooks up, pulls the car almost out of the water-filled ditch.  Driver says “Go do your search”.  So, here I am, searching, standing half -way in the ditch.  All of a sudden, I feel a lurch.  I feel both me and the car rolling backwards toward the ditch.  Did I mention that this was a deep water-filled ditch?  Yours truly nearly ended up a$$ over tea kettle in the ditch.  Under a car.  Mr. Wonderful Wrecker Driver had backed up the wrecker to line up the dolly bar under the front wheels, and was PUSHING THE CAR BACK.  With me standing next to it.  I’m sure that you can imagine the torrent of, shall we say “colorful”, language that I directed toward the wrecker driver.  I think he got the message.  I’m sure there will be a complaint waiting on me when I get back to work on Wednesday. 

I found out later that Adam took Mr. DWI/Cocaine/Marijuana to jail, with Mr. DWI showing out all the way.  Appearantly, Mr. DWI went into the cell, walked up to the biggest man in there, and got in his face.  Needless to say, Mr. DWI, all 5′7, 160 lbs. of him, was quickly given an ‘attitude adjustment’.  Mr. DWI was trying to use the old “Get my butt whupped in jail, get out of jail free” card.  That plan didn’t have the intended outcome for Mr. DWI.  Mr. DWI went to the hospital to get his head stitched up, and then went BACK to jail.  With more charges.  I love it when Karma kicks in, don’t you?

Part of the reason that I haven’t posted in a couple of weeks is that…I’ve actually been knitting.  And blocking knitting.  And starting new knitting.  I finally blocked the Goddess Knits ‘Mandala’ shawl that I made for my aunt.

'Mandala' by Goddess Knits...finally blocked

Leeza’s Mandala specs:  KnitPicks ‘Jewels’ heather laceweight merino, 440 yards/hank, used just short of 4 hanks, US size 3, 4, and 5 needles.  Blocked size:  about 62 inches across.

Finished!!

This will be in the mail ASAP. 

I also finished my Queen Anne’s Lace shawl, in pink laceweight from 100purewool (they are having a sale right now, squeeeee!!).  Next post, pics of the before blocking/after blocking of lace for LeAnn in my local knitting group!