In which she is surrounded by teh studip…

Cops tend to be an odd bunch.  No, really, we are.  We tend to be cliquish, we use gallows humor way too much, we are a bit paranoid at times, and we always insist on sitting back to the wall, facing the door in a restaurant.  It drives us crazy if we can’t.  We have our reasons for all of this.  It may not make sense to other people, but they are valid to us.

We even tend to seem a bit ‘crazy’, if you will, at times.  There are reasons for that.  Witness just a very small sampling of what we hear on a daily basis.  These are actual dispatched calls:

Need a deputy to respond to John Q. Public’s address in reference to a theft of property.  Complainant wants a report of lost or stolen ducks.  Yes, ducks.  The kind that go ‘quack’.  The complainant states that the ducks were in his pond last night, and are now missing.  Complainant believes the ducks were stolen.  Requires a report.

Need a deputy to respond to Jane Q. Public’s residence in reference to a male/female disturbance.  Female complainant states the male has locked himself inside the residence.  Female states that the male is drunk, and is trying to set the dog on fire.  Female complainant will meet the deputy in the front yard.

Need a deputy to respond to Jane Doe’s residence in reference to a trespassing/disturbance call.  Female complainant states that her husband, John, is taking all of her personal belongings out of the house, and selling those items to unknown individuals who are trespassing on her property.  Complainant states that she is not having a yard sale.

And people wonder why we are the way we are.  But, you have to admit, you can’t PAY for this kind of entertainment.  Anywhere.

On the knitting front, I am still plugging away at the Goddess Knits ‘Ocean Waves’ shawl for the ex-MIL.  I have finally made it to the fourth chart, the ‘Razor Shells’.  This, also, is a bit of slow going.  This is the shortest, easiest chart in the whole pattern, and somehow, I keep managing to mess it up.  ‘Tink’ is now my new middle name.  Eventually, I will finish this shawl.

My ‘Tomato’ is, of course, no more.  But…I think it’s time to do the cute ‘Tomato’ cardi.  I think the yarn will be much happier that way, and I need a new little something to wear to court.

Got a couple of new books.  I haven’t cast on yet, but so far, I highly recommend them.

 

Speaking of socks…how cute are these?  Five little tiny inches long.  I know some baby feet that need shodding.  I think these will be perfect.

Wow, bad pic.  These are ChiaoGoo 5″ bamboo, US size 1.

We have two new additions to the family:  Seamus (the tabby), and Finn (the solid).  They are…something.  We need to conduct a few ‘kitten taming’ exercises.  I found my working yarn on a pair of socks-in-progress chewed through.  Right now, I totally blame Seamus.

 

 

In which she gets ’skooled’ and ‘gradumatated’…

So, I’m back now after a short hiatus.  Big things ‘been cookin’ down here.  Mama got some ’skooling’, and Boy#1 finally, FINALLY!, got ‘gradumatated’.  Hallelujah, and pass the biscuits.

First, the ’skooling’ part…my department finally decided that I should actually learn how to do Crisis Negotiations, since they decided to put me in the unit.  A year ago.  Now, mind you, I really am not a ’big-group-hug’ type of person.  I’m usually pretty intolerant of what I see as ‘weakness’, ‘attention-getting’, and ‘drama’.  But, I got to spend all last week in a great class.  Talk about an intense, emotionally and mentally draining class.  I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but…wow.  I learned a lot about Active Listening Skills, and how to empathize without condoning or agreeing.  I think I need to try this stuff on my mother. 

The upside is that I took a great class from bunch of great instructors.  I renewed some old friendships, and made more new ones.  I didn’t actually have to ‘work’ all week, but still got paid.  I got a bunch more CEU’s to put toward yet another law enforcement certificate.  General, Basic, and Intermediate are done, Advanced and Senior to go.  Maybe, one of these days, I’ll actually work for an agency that pays for earned certificates.  Dare to dream. 

In other news, I am now the proud owner of a fully ‘gradumatated’ 18 year old son.  Yea, Boy #1!  Yea, me!  Time to start the eviction paperwork.  (I kid, I kid.)  We are still cussing and discussing the whys and wherefores of college, especially how to pay for it, since Boy caught a near-fatal case of ’senior-itis’ back in November, but I’m sure we will find a solution.  Either that, or Boy will be deciding whether he wants to follow his Dad into the Army, his great-uncle into the Corps, or his great-grandfather into the Air Force.

Almost there...

Done deal! Class of 2009!!

On the knitting front…due to the class time and other goings-on, my ‘Ocean Tides’ shawl has stalled a bit, in that, I’m still working to finish the third pattern section.  It’s the ‘Print-’o-the-Wave’ pattern, and is just going a bit slow.  Still plugging along, though.  It’s nearly ready to go to a longer cable.  When it does, I’ll pin it out a bit and snap a couple of pics. 

The ‘Tomato’, sadly, has not fared as well.  I completed the body section, and started one of the sleeves.  It ‘looks’ fine, but I’m just not really happy with it.  I found that there are a few things I would change:  I’m knitting with cotton, which will grow, and though I got gauge, I think I need to go down a needle size, and work my size again.  I also need to cast on the stitches for the front of the neckline earlier.  Like 10 rows earlier.  If I were 20 years younger, and gravity wasn’t an issue…well, you know what I mean.  Due to my previous sweater-knitting experiences, I (stupidly) added one short-row across the lower back of the sweater.  My bad.  It did not look as intended.  Learn to trust people who know more than you do.   So, my hot green Tomato will go the way of the frog pond.  We’ll give it another go.

 

In which she rants for a moment…

Can I just say right now that I really hate people?  Well, maybe ‘hate’ is too strong a word.  I intensely dislike people.  But not all people.  Just the stupid, hateful, self-absorbed, intolerant, exquisitely sensitive, and constantly offended people.  When I started this blog, I decided that this would not be one of those hateful, ranting blogs.  But, since nothing very exciting happened at work this week, I feel the need to unload a few burdens.  Rant/on.

I have a ‘window’ (via another website)  into a moderately popular, but somewhat insignificant, website that is floating around on the internet.  I used to be a member of this insignificant website, but no long am.  I call it “The Bad Place”.  I was shown the door from ’The Bad Place’ because I refused to fit in with the general atmosphere, since it was completely contrary to my personal beliefs and inner convictions.  Not because I did anything wrong or broke any rules, just because I refused to fit in and tow the party line.  This website, The Bad Place, touts the fact that it is ‘family friendly’, appropriate enough even for an 8-10 year old child.  Witness the following:

There are people on The Bad Place who describe, in detail, acts of theft, criminal mischief, disorderly conduct, drunkeness, promiscuity, stalking, adultery, and consistent drug abuse.  At least one person on this ‘family friendly’ website has been arrested for, and charged with, child abuse.  Now remember, these acts are applauded and encouraged by the owners and the people in The Bad Place. 

(The following names have been slightly changed to preserve some small grain of honor)                             

*V*apid*S*kank posted recently that she sees no problem with a mother seeking out a street prostitute to relieve her Down’s Syndrome son of his virginity and innocence.  She does, however, have a problem with other posters not calling this child a ‘man’ or a ‘person’.  Of course, this child is a person.  As is normal of individuals with Down’s Syndrome, he is probably an extremely loving and happy child.  But this is the point.  He is a child.  People with Down’s Syndrome generally only have the mentality of a very young child.  I have no doubt that he has the usual human urges, but I very much doubt he would be able to understand them or process them.  I shudder to imagine what a prostitute sexually assaulting this child would do to his probably already limited psyche.

*H*ooker*S*upreme takes great pleasure in castigating the children of public figures who have a child outside of wedlock, contrary to their parents’ teaching and upbringing.  She demands that abortion is a ‘responsibility’, not so much a ‘choice’ or an ‘option’ or just plain old ‘homicide’.  However, *H*ooker*S*upreme recently outed herself.  Seems our dear *H*ooker*S*upreme had a child, outside of wedlock at age 17 (does this sound oddly similar to another 17 year old?)  But, rather than take personal responsibility for her actions, *H*ooker*S*upreme dumped her child, now approximately 12 years old, on her parents so that she can party, have fun, buy expensive yarn, and knit a lot without the usual hassles of being a mother.  Just so you understand me, I do mean ‘dumped’ as in ‘like a bag of week-old trash’.  And then she demands that her fellow posters lavish her with sympathy for the “very difficult situation that she is in”.  I somehow doubt that she even bothers to pay her parents child support for doing her job for her.  Excuse me while I go throw up.

One of the most…um, ‘colorful’?…people in The Bad Place is *Z*M*oron.  This person is what is known, in the South, as ‘a real piece of work’ or a ‘complete dement’.  In the South, we all have relatives like this, but we try to keep them away from polite society.  Except on holidays.  Or at family reunions.  So far, I’ve counted at least 4 separate personalities lurking around in this pile of plasma.  *Z*M*oron’s claim to fame is to attack unsuspecting posters in The Bad Place, turn it around, and act like she was the one who was attacked.  She also assumes several different personalities on the internet, and rants and raves about these faux attacks.  After she has posted that she is sufficiently ‘injured’ by these contrived attacks, she harasses the people she originally set herself upon, and actually threatens them with ‘legal action’, courtesy of a very close family member of hers.  Over and over and over.  So far she has been Christian, Jewish, right, far left, and everything in between.  The personalities seem unable to come to a consensus.

One of the most recent debates, starring *V*apid*S*kank of course, was “How dare Christians be offended by Atheists!?!  We are the only ones who are allowed to be offended!!!!111!!”  What I got from the entire thread was “We atheists are exquisitely offended by the mere mention of a higher power anywhere, but those damn ’X'tians have a whole damn lot of nerve to be offended at the fact that I scream curse words at them when they say ‘God bless you’ if I sneeze!!!11!!”   In other words,  belief in a higher power is stupid, backwards, uneducated, lame, wrong, offensive, racist, and should be illegal.  Belief in nothing is enlightened, smart, and super-duper fabulicious.          HUH?!?

Family friendly?  Seriously?                     Rant/off.

Dear Lord, I am not perfect, but I do my best to serve You daily, and I fail, in many ways, daily.  But I do believe in Your Word and Your promises.  Please deliever thy flawed, but faithful, servant from all of this rampant stupidity.

I finally have the Queen Anne’s Lace shawl from MMario blocking.  I started a new Goddess Knits shawl,  Ocean Tide, for my ex-MIL.  I’m working on the third section now.  I was looking through some books, and suddenly, I needed a ‘Tomato’ by Wendy Bernard of Knit-n-Tonic.  I already had the cotton, so why not?  I started it on Monday, I’m in the straight body section after the waist-shaping decreases.  I think the next Tomato I make will be a little cardi.  How cute.

LeAnn, sweetie, this is just for you.  Keep the faith:

Queen Anne's Lace before blocking-what a mess!

Queen Anne's Lace blocked-minor masterpiece

Repeat after me:  In the 1800’s, very small children created intricate knitted lace to help support their families.  I am a grown intelligent woman, and I can do lace too!!!

Queen Anne’s Lace specs:  pattern by MMario (free, just sign up for the Yahoo group), 100purewool in Bebe Rosa (baby pink), 950 yards/hank, used approximately 1100-1200 yards, US size 5, 6 ,7 circular needles, blocked size approximately 58 in. across.  Made for my sister for Christmas (shh! don’t tell!).  Very easy pattern, good choice for a first-time circular shawl lace knitter.

 

In which she curses at some, laughs at others…

This weekend at work provided a tongue-lashing and some much-needed humor.  I’ve said it before, I will say it again…these are the people who provide me with job security.

I got to assist one of my guys first thing this morning.  First thing as in 0540 hours first thing.  Adam got a DWI this morning.  My main job, once I got on shift, was to sit with the car and wait for the wrecker.  Not especially difficult.  Not even in the pouring rain that we’ve had for the past two weeks.  Oh, and a quick inventory search of the driver’s side of the car, once it gets pulled out of the ditch.  No problem.  Wrecker gets there.  I tell the driver I need to search when he gets the car out.  Driver hooks up, pulls the car almost out of the water-filled ditch.  Driver says “Go do your search”.  So, here I am, searching, standing half -way in the ditch.  All of a sudden, I feel a lurch.  I feel both me and the car rolling backwards toward the ditch.  Did I mention that this was a deep water-filled ditch?  Yours truly nearly ended up a$$ over tea kettle in the ditch.  Under a car.  Mr. Wonderful Wrecker Driver had backed up the wrecker to line up the dolly bar under the front wheels, and was PUSHING THE CAR BACK.  With me standing next to it.  I’m sure that you can imagine the torrent of, shall we say “colorful”, language that I directed toward the wrecker driver.  I think he got the message.  I’m sure there will be a complaint waiting on me when I get back to work on Wednesday. 

I found out later that Adam took Mr. DWI/Cocaine/Marijuana to jail, with Mr. DWI showing out all the way.  Appearantly, Mr. DWI went into the cell, walked up to the biggest man in there, and got in his face.  Needless to say, Mr. DWI, all 5′7, 160 lbs. of him, was quickly given an ‘attitude adjustment’.  Mr. DWI was trying to use the old “Get my butt whupped in jail, get out of jail free” card.  That plan didn’t have the intended outcome for Mr. DWI.  Mr. DWI went to the hospital to get his head stitched up, and then went BACK to jail.  With more charges.  I love it when Karma kicks in, don’t you?

Part of the reason that I haven’t posted in a couple of weeks is that…I’ve actually been knitting.  And blocking knitting.  And starting new knitting.  I finally blocked the Goddess Knits ‘Mandala’ shawl that I made for my aunt.

'Mandala' by Goddess Knits...finally blocked

 

Leeza’s Mandala specs:  KnitPicks ‘Jewels’ heather laceweight merino, 440 yards/hank, used just short of 4 hanks, US size 3, 4, and 5 needles.  Blocked size:  about 62 inches across.

Finished!!

This will be in the mail ASAP. 

I also finished my Queen Anne’s Lace shawl, in pink laceweight from 100purewool (they are having a sale right now, squeeeee!!).  Next post, pics of the before blocking/after blocking of lace for LeAnn in my local knitting group!

 

In which she stops traffic…literally…

On the work front, things have been almost too quiet.  Eerily quiet.  I’m waiting for the ‘other shoe to drop’, so to speak.  I’m sure that will happen as the weather starts to warm up.

What is the old saying about ’so-and-so could stop traffic’?  Honey, I can shut down a whole interstate, and sometimes, stop vehicles with just a ‘what-the-heck-do-you-think-you’re-doing’  look. 

We had a particularly bad motor vehicle accident on the interstate that runs through my district on Saturday afternoon.  I responded to assist State Police with traffic control.  It’s so much easier to work an accident when you don’t have to worry about getting mowed down by some dement in a hurry.  From the witness accounts, a red GMC truck was traveling westbound with Mom driving, and three children inside.  The witnesses said that the GMC moved to the #2 lane to pass, and the left  tires may have run down off of the shoulder.  The driver appeared to over-correct to the right, and at 70+ mph, caused the truck to flip and roll at least twice.  The witnesses said that Mom was thrown out of the truck, but couldn’t say if the kids were or not.  It looked like the family was either going home from a vacation or moving, as the truck was full of clothing and other personal property, which was scattered all over the interstate for several hundred yards.  Fire/Rescue and 2 ambulances also responded.  Mom was not doing well at all, agonal respirations and a firm, distended abdomen.  She was quickly packaged and gone.  The kids appeared to be doing much better, one even up and walking around, but were all transported to be assessed.  State Police took the accident, I just held down the fort and kept traffic moving, got witnesses I.D.’d, and moved emergency vehicles in and out.  For the most part, the interstate traffic was patient with the wait, and allowed everyone on scene to get their jobs done as quickly as possible.  I did have a couple of people, though, who thought that it would be a really good idea to jump out of traffic, and try to drive up the median to by-pass all of the emergency vehicles.  Because, you know, they were just very important and in such a big darned hurry.  They were not happy when they got stopped, the error of their ways was explained to them in short, one-syllable words that they could understand, and ushered right back into that long line of waiting traffic.  Makes you wonder what goes through some folk’s minds, doesn’t it?  I call this phenomenon ‘job security’. 

In knitting, I’ve picked the Queen Anne’s Lace shawl back up over the past two days that I’ve been off.  I’m finished with chart 3, and am moving on to chart 4.  Depending on my estimated finished size at the end of chart 4, I’ll decide then if I’m going to go ahead and knit the ‘extension’ rounds.  I probably will.  The Queen Anne’s Lace is from MMario.  There is an MMario Yahoo group that anyone can join to take full advantage of many beautiful patterns.  I love this pattern, and will be knitting it again, for me, in a beautiful dark green Shimmer silk/merino laceweight from Knitpicks.  I got it a couple of months ago, on sale.  It seems that this particular run was dyed in the wrong color on the wrong yarn.  Lucky me. 

Thank you to everyone for the kind words, thoughts, and prayers for our family.  Please keep them coming.  On Easter Sunday morning, my youngest son’s great-grandfather died.  Great-Grandpa was such a wonderful caring man.  He was kind and loving enough to continue to consider me family, even long after the divorce.  Great-Grandpa was completely devoted to his family, and he will be so badly missed by so many people.  He will especially be missed by his ‘Peanut’, his favorite buddy.

 

In which she starts with a short bit of history…

I suppose a good place to start off would be an explanation of my ‘handle’…arkangelontheradio.

I started my law enforcement career in the same manner that many do…I was a dispatcher.  Yep, I got to tell the cops where to go and just exactly how to get there.  On a daily basis.  And I was pretty darned good at it, if I do say so myself.  In fact, there is a former Sheriff in a small Southern town who will, to this day, tell anyone within earshot that I was the best dispatcher he ever had.  He will, however, add this caveat:  “She has been known to catch a mood now and then.”  But, then again, I got the job in the first place by barging into his office one evening, letting him know just how well I could dispatch, and he really needed to hire me.  Guess we’re both right.

So, I worked the 4:00-Midnight shift, Wednesday through Sunday.  The. craziest. shift.  I didn’t just handle the dispatch responsibilities, though.  I dispatched police, seven fire districts, E.M.S., State Police, Wildlife enforcement, Forestry enforcement, did booking, warrants, receipts, prisoner feeding and meds, and direction of trusty’s.  Jack of all trades, master of none.  The absolute definition of ‘multi-tasker’.

We had this State Trooper, let’s call him ‘Super Trooper’.  A legend in his own mind, and what we affectionately refer to as a ’sh*t magnet’.  If it was going to happen, and it was messed up in any way, Super Trooper was sure to be the cause of most of it.  One night, Super Trooper made a traffic stop on some back-woods dirt road that isn’t even in my county.  In the course of this traffic stop, the driver, Thug, pulls out an unknown type of firearm, and commences to take a few pot shots at Super Trooper.  The obligatory high-speed vehicle pursuit ensued.

Somewhere in all of this mess, both Thug and Super Trooper wreck their respective vehicles.  Thug flees on foot.  Super Trooper isn’t hurt, but is stuck like Chuck out in the middle of nowhere with Thug, who may still be armed.  Guess who the only person that Super Trooper can make radio contact with is?  You guessed it, your’s truly.  Super Trooper was in a very bad radio area, but I was able to get a tag number/vehicle description, a general location, and most of the important information.  Which I immediately relayed to other officers, State Police, E.M.S., etc.  Many, many tense and harried hours were spent getting Super Trooper back-up and help, as well as dealing with computer messages, radio, and the phone.  Most of the phone calls were from ’scanner-hounds’, wanting to know what was going on.  Scanner-hounds are a story for another day.

All is well that ends well.  Super Trooper got the back-up and help he needed, everyone stayed informed, Thug was arrested, charged accordingly, and jailed.  I got several (read:  a whole damn bunch) of new gray hairs and darned near had a stroke.  As soon as Super Trooper arrived at the office to fill out the paperwork and deliver Thug, I ‘caught a mood’, and gave Super Trooper an epic tongue lashing.  I let him know, in short one-syllable words that he could understand, that I was way too young (at the time) to be as gray as I was, which was mostly his fault, and just exactly why in the heck did he feel the need to only pull this type of dangerous, brain-dead crap on my shift anyway?!?

Super Trooper explained to me that my shift was the only one that he COULD pull his dangerous crap on, because I was the only dispatcher he trusted to take care of him.  He maintained that I was his ‘Archangel’ on the radio, there to watch over him, and he knew that he could trust me to handle whatever he threw at me.  True, but still.  To his credit, Super Trooper did experience a moment of generosity, and wrote a very nice letter about my performance during the incident for the Sheriff to add to my file.  That, along with five bucks, will get you a cup of coffee.  But it was still nice.

So, there you go.

On the knitting front, I have just finished a Goddess Knits Anniversary Mystery shawl.  Finally.  However, I have decided that I’m going to pick out the grafting, and have a re-do on it.  Then I have to block it.  I hope it will turn out well.  Keep your fingers, or needles, crossed.  Photos will be posted as soon as possible. 

I also have a couple (o.k., a few) W.I.P.’s:  a Queen Anne’s Lace shawl in 100 Pure Wool ‘Bebe Rosa’ (pink) on size 7’s(?), I think I’m on round 110-something.  QAL has been on hiatus for about two weeks.  A pair of “Spring Forward” socks from Knitty.com in Premier Yarns Superwash in the ‘Obsidian’ colorway.  A ‘Short-sleeved Cardigan’ from Stefanie Japel’s “Fitted Knits” in a dark charcole gray, yarn brand is a mystery.  Pretty soon, I’ll be starting a ‘Hemlock Ring’ blanket, a la B r o o k l y n T w e e d, for my former Sgt. and his wife as this year’s Christmas gift because they are both just really wonderful people.  I can’t wait, it looks like fun.